This many more days...

During the week of Christmas every morning while watching the weather Jacob, would count down the days till Santa would come. As the cute little clip art Santa made his way across the days Jacob was more and more excited as the number of fingers he held up were less and less. He couldn't wait to make his big announcement every morning as to how much longer we had, secure in his knowledge referencing the proof on the weekly forecast.

Christmas finally arrived and the predictions of the weather channel & Jacob were at last confirmed!

The excitement dwindled down as Christmas ended and we began a new morning count down, New years day.

The only difference was as the little clip art baby moved closer, the less excited our little man became. Okay, he's 4 , nothing to him is exciting about a new year. No ones bring presents, he's too young to stay up all night to party I get it.

New years eve morning as we sat watching the news Jacob crossed his arms and sat pouting instead of counting. Apparently, we assumed New Years Day meant everyone gets a new baby. No wonder he had been so clingy and lovey all week. Bless his heart, all this time he was worried he was getting replaced with a new baby! It was too funny. Jason and I had fun teasing him over this one.

Every strange noise out side: " Is it UPS? I bet it's the BABY!"

New Years Day: "Son, are you ready to go to the store and pick out the baby? Do you want to get a white one like the rest of us, or a different color? A boy or a girl? How about two!! You get to pick."

With a smile and a mean look he let's us know he can take a joke & where he stands on another baby.

Hang on to your popcorn!

Have you seen one of those horror movies with the possessed child? Well I haven't, I have seen the commercials for them and that's been enough for me.
As a child Scooby-doo was a little more than I could handle. Now as an adult, I watch a episode of Criminal Minds and I'm on edge the rest of night, thinking someones behind every door to kill me .

Keeping that in mind;
I took the girls out late the other night through our neighborhood to play the game Boo!


If your not familiar with the game;

This is a Boo Sign~

The air is cool, the season, Fall;
Soon Halloween will come to all!
The spooks are after things to do,
In fact a spook brought this to you!
"Boo" is a shield of the witching hour,
Just hang it up and watch the power!
On your front door is where it works;
It wards off spooks and scary jerks!
The treat that came with this cryptic note,
Is yours to keep, enjoy them both!
The power comes when friends like you,
Will copy this note and make it TWO!
The others here among our friends,
Will give them warm fuzzies that will not end!
We'll all have smiles on our faces,
But no one knows who "BOO'ED" whom!
Just two short days to work your spell,
Or one big ZAP will strike your tail!
And don't forget a nifty treat,
Like something cute and something sweet!
Please join the fun, lets really hear it,
spread the "BOOS" and Halloween SPIR IT!

Now it's your turn to "ghost" two other people in your neighborhood.
You should "ghost" these people within 2 days of receiving your treat.
Hang the ghost on your front door so that everyone can see that you have been "ghosted" and will not ghost you again. This will also let you know who you can ghost.
Fill 2 bags with candy, treats, or if you know them well enough to add something special, a nice gift (I wine and cheesed my neighbor). Copy this letter and the ghost twice. Include treats, letter, and ghost in your bag of goodies for the neighbors that you choose.
After dark, and only with an adult, "ghost" 2 of your neighbors. Do not let the person that you are "ghosting" see you, for it adds to the fun of it all. Place the treat bag on the doorstep, ring the doorbell and run!
It will be fun to see how many ghosts will appear in our neighborhood by Halloween.
Please keep it safe and enjoy!

It's similar to Ding-dong ditch. You place this sign on a neighbors door, leave them goodies, ring the bell and RUN!!!

Here where we live it gets dark at 6:00pm and in our neighborhood have no streetlights. So, when we left at 8:30 it was good and dark. You could barely see your hand in front of your face. Ideal for us not wanting to be seen as we roamed the streets quietly. We had three houses we were planning to hit, in hopes at least two of the three would keep it going. Knowing our victims, the fear of getting shot for sneaking around wasn't an issue. The first house went off without a hitch. We were like a stealth fighter, in, out, gone and undetected. Even with the under breath giggles!

Out of breath,we rounded the corner to hit our other two houses, when we came to one dilemma. They were right next door to one another, not being seen would be tricky. In the dark we spotted a big truck parked in the road, and plotted to hide behind it in between hitting each house. That way if someone came out looking after the first one we could hide safely until they went back inside. After that we had a park to cross and we would be home free. So far, the street had been dead silent so we thought this would be cake.

We hit the first house and ran through the darkness as fast as we could to the truck. There we were peering from behind the truck trying not to breathe. Watching and waiting we looked for anyone to come out looking. Within the darkness I hear from behind us this tiny long whisper "He-ll-o?".....My heart was racing well before and now it was about to beat out of my chest! I whipped around as though Jason himself from Nightmare on Elm street, was tapping me on the shoulder. Looking as hard as I could to see what/who said it, I saw nothing. Squinting harder through the darkness, I heard it again only this time it was closer. "He-ll-o, Lexie?? psst.." Then, I saw it the silhouette of a little girl wearing a dress. At this point we are all backed up as far as we could to the truck bed of our hiding spot. All I could think of were those horror commercials!! (specifically, to the one with of a girl with a sheet over her head?? ) As she came closer we recognized her as this 5 year old little girl who lives near us. Wearing dark clothes you could barely see her, she blended right into the night. Finally, realizing we weren't someone named Lexie? Barefooted and hair all a mess, she began to ask us what we were doing. Now, that the intital panic had wore off, the girls were shooing her and telling her to be quiet. All this work & panic and now we were going to have our cover blown! Luckily that didn't happen and the girls did the next house as I stood trying to tell her she needed to go home. What crazy mother out there lets a young little girl roam the streets all alone in the dark? Can you imagine how terrified we would have been if we would have ran off screaming and she FOLLOWED us? It was bad enough Kailey peed herself, I can't imagine nightmares on top of that.

Funny thing is after all of our efforts of accomplishing our mission unseen, we still failed. The night was cool and taking advantage of the free air, I had our upstairs windows open. About thirty minutes after we got home, I was upstairs changing when I heard a rustling coming from the windows. Peeking down through the blinds I could see something moving near the front door. After being on edge from earlier, I was a little scared on what I might see. Watching the shadows and listening for noises, I finally saw something. The bottom of a dress tail and a little barefoot appeared on the edge of our porch wall! It was that same little girl, but why was she here? As I began to turn and go downstairs to the door, her hand came out into the light. She was carring a paper? One of our Boo signs!! "GIRLS!! Hurry run to the door!" Sure enough, she had taken our signs off the houses and brought them back to us. All our efforts had been in vein. Trying to explain to her the game resulted in nothing but confusion. All we could do was smile, shut the door, and sit in disappointment.

It certainly will be a Halloween memory we will never forget!

He's THREE & sneaky, things happen!

Before I tell you what happened here's two major facts that will help you to better understand my situation;

1- A couple of days ago while driving through construction, a little car was driving right in the blind spot of my SUV. For that reason, I had the crap scared out of me when I almost squashed it while merging. Luckily I didn't trust my mirrors and saw it before having to swerve or hear a pissed off honk. Even so, knowing I will be driving through the same construction daily, I positioned my mirror down specifically to target the lower blind spot on the driver side.

2- We never stop for fast food breakfast in the mornings. If fact we never even get to eat fast food at all anymore. That was until this weekend when I stopped and treated the younger two to McDonald's happy meals, for Madisen's birthday.

That being said; This morning I dropped the girls off at school and headed back home with Jacob. For most of the way home, I was driving through the construction paying attention to workers, unmarked changing lanes, and traffic.

Now that Jacob is 3, we're pretty much passed all the craziness of riding in the car. He doesn't throw toys at me anymore or unbuckle his seat belt and try to climb in the back. He just sits and plays with his toys and enjoys the ride. That is when the girls aren't there to fight with him.

So, hear I am driving down the road when I happen to notice this woman riding my bumper.

Driving in a highly known speed trap area, I just over looked her as it's very common while driving through there. Another fact is I have a lot of people ride my bumper on a daily basis due to the signage on my car for my business. Lots of people follow close taking down information. Therefore I've gotten very accustomed to just paying them no attention what so ever.

As I continue driving down the road I look over and now the woman is right next to my car driving with her window down trying to talk/yell at me. Now she has become unignorable. (if that's even a word)

Once again something else I used to do to my business. So, I slow down, and roll down my window to hear her. Quickly she yelled at me
"YOUR SON HAS THROWN HIS MCDONALD BREAKFAST OUT THE WINDOW AT ME, ALONG WITH AN ENTIRE WATER BOTTLE & LOTS OF OTHER THINGS!!"

What THE??... JACOB!!

Turns out it was trash from the night before;

1/2 a cheeseburger

his leftover bag & fries

and a water cup he didn't finish. (THE WATER BOTTLE)

All out his half cracked window!

Jacob's excuse "I was just throwing out my trash"

Bless his heart...the only child who will pick up after himself.

Once I finally get home and give my window rules & trash speech to Jacob, I notice I had a message on my machine.

Who else, but the lady on my bumper called my business!

Turns out she wanted to report the incident to the owner, with a long spiel about my vehicle, license plate & enactment on what was happening. Very upset she recommend I be reprimanded & taken care of at once. She ended the message with," if you were the driver SHAME, SHAME, ON YOU!!"

I don't know if it was hormones or what but I was a mess! I was angry she had the nerve to make such a big deal out of a little boys mistake. Too, I was understanding on how she felt driving behind such a freak show. Embarrassed, and hurt that she would judge me as some careless, unfit mother who would allow this to happen!

Swallowing my pride & tears, I thought it would be right to call the number back on the I.D. (Not that she would expect that, when she didn't leave her name or number.) Calmly and as nice as I could be I called her and left her the most sincere apology for what had happened. I assured her I had no knowledge of what he was doing, and it was my fault for not seeing it.

Also,Not that it matters to her...

I assured from now on his window will be locked or monitored!

The approach I took may have been as weakness, but at least I feel I did the right thing!

So, if you get wind of the latest download craze on You-Tube of a woman & her Mc'D's litter Boy, it's probably ME!

Sounds like hog-wash...

Llanfairpwllgwngyllgogelychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogoch

By looking at this above, you would think I just let Jacob type.

Well, believe it or not, this gibberish is actually a word!

Kailey has it on her spelling test at school today! The word came from her math book and it's originated from the Dutch language, I believe? The teacher decided it would be fun to add the word to their list as extra credit.

Spell it?!! You can't even pronounce it!

Here's the kicker, she didn't receive the word until yesterday afternoon and the test it today! Impossible for anyone to memorize it that fast, and know it for today, right? WRONG! Not for my little genius. (Not without my help of course! ) Not to brag But... We had it memorized in a matter of less than 2 hours!!! And we didn't even eat Wheaties for breakfast! Alright, Alright ...I know answer the burning question HOW??

We're secretly Dutch and this is our first language?

NO! I'm kidding!

Seriously, we took each letter and turned it into a word, and then turned all of the words into a song! A catchy little song at that. It all tells a story about my girls AND has movements. Pure genius, I know!!

She'll probably be THE only kid in class who gets it right & can't get it out of her head. Or mine ( "Love, love, girls...")

Funny thing is everyone including the teacher will think she some how cheated. I can't wait to hear all about it when she gets home...

"The best mom EVER!"love, Kailey~

And to think I'm not a smoker or drinker...

This week;

Jacob tried to make Kool-aid on his own, and in the process gave a packet to Butter.

Kailey AND Madisen are both running for student council. So, I'm working double duty on their campaigns & speeches, while they watch T.V!

Kailey brings me a booklet of approx. 20 pages on Social studies, Sunday evening. Then proceeds to tell me she has a big test on it Monday morning, and she doesn't know ANYTHING!

During a storm the other night, sitting in the dark, we were all admiring the lightening, until we heard dripping water... INSIDE! Two of our oversized windows were pouring in water through the WALL. Really not good!

We had an unathorized charge on our bank account which put us broke and overdrawn. ON our anniversary! (14 years!!)

AND, as I sit here typing the motor on my dishwasher is going out!!

The worst part is I could keep going!

Strobe lights, Balloons, Loud music & Glow EVERYTHING...

Happy Birthday Baby- Girl!

We're officially 1 year away from having a TEENAGER in the house, AAAAHHH!

After a night of clubbing in our jacked up empty dining room,

I have to say Pre-teen's not all that bad.

You just thought, YOU were having a bad day!

He's just a two year old how hard could it be?

Ah-ha, thought you'd never ask!

Here's just one example of what I've been going through...

Just the other day...

I had to make a very important phone call. As the phone on the other end is ringing, I spotted Madisen and asked her to run and see where Jake was. ( As I know it only takes a second before he's into something.)

"He's fine, Kailey's going to play with him while your on the phone." , She said.

Approximately 20 minutes later I get off the phone, turn around, and see Jake walking towards me waddling like a duck. He's covered from head to toe with paint, making paint footprints behind him.

"Look Mommy, I paint!!" he said in a lovely shade of purple.

I can only imagine the haunting shade of white my face became, as the shock rushed over me. I immediately grabbed him up and went running for the bath tub. Screaming in panic for the girls to hurry and help, I went as fast as I could.

"Strip your clothes off, and what ever you do, DO NOT let Jake out of the tub!!"

I knew wherever the paint was, time was of the essence to get it up. As I followed the painted footprints imprinted in the carpet. (Of our RENTED house might I ad) I was led straight to the masterpiece corner! He had somehow managed to get open two containers of paint. One Red & one blue.

(Which were in a case and up high. Obviously not high enough!)

Mr. Man, had painted the walls, his toys, his bed, his bedding, and HIMSELF!

He poured big piles of each color right on the carpet, and even made a mixing pile of purple.

Little Picasso had made such a mess!

I grabbed towels, a bucket of water and every bottle of stain remover I could find, and immediately went to scrubbing like a mad woman.

All the while yelling "Are you watching him?! Do NOT let him move!!"

After lots of scrubbing, and seeing how much progress I had made, I started to breath again.

Taking a deep breath, I began to laugh...

I still have paint stains on the floor.

Jake is sitting in the tub covered in paint.

I ran out of stain remover and need to go to the store.

The kids haven't had lunch yet.

AND, Kailey has to be at the orthodontist in 35 Minutes!!

Everything after that was a complete blurr.

Somehow I got it all done and made it to her appointment, and On Time at that!

At some point in between all the madness, I did take a few seconds to grab my camera.

They were taken at the time where I was breathing, so they are blurry and most of the paint was cleaned up. On Jake too! At least I captured something, right?

Can you believe this little monster?

All I know is; Thank God for Oxi Clean, and the fact it was kids paint!

Envying the neighborhood strays this year

Every year we go All out for the fourth. We drive up to the next state and buy tons of illegal fireworks. I say "we", what I really mean is Jason. Here's how it really works. He begs to go stop at the fireworks store. Swears we won't buy much. Then I follow him around the store as he snatches and grabs, like a kid in a candy store.Then what happens? We walk out of the store buying twice as much as we did the year before. It's crazy! We bought so much the year before last, the store gave us $200, if free stuff. It took two shopping carts, just to get them to the car. Where we had to cover them with blankets to get them across states.

The key is to buy them a few weeks in advance, so you don't get caught. The only thing is until the fourth we have enough explosives in our house to blow up China.

Well this year with the slowed economy The Big Dawg, had to just lay in the yard and sulk this year. All we could afford was a few from the TNT tent in front of Wal-mart this year. All completely legal. Nothing over five foot off the ground. Just a bunch of little fountain fireworks! BOR-ING!

We did a few before dark so Jake could enjoy them, before bed.

I told you, they were pathetic!

"Don't worry kids we have a whole box full."

After dark when we went out with the girls. We thought it won't be too bad, at least they will enjoy them.
That was until the neighbors started. Apparently they had more money than we did this year and were able to afford some of the big ones. Not as much as we would have bought but, nonetheless. Talk about a nose rubbing. It didn't matter what we lit, as soon as we heard & felt the boom concussion in our chest, our fireworks became invisible. As nice as it was to at least have some to look at, it was still disheartening.

The scary thing is I know when we do buy some, he'll we'll have to make up for this year!

So? What did you learn at bible school?

Monday- "Girls go to college to get more knowledge, Boys go to Jupiter to get more Stupider..."

Tuesday-"Don't make me snap my fingers in a Z-formation, hip rotation, a Booty Vibration.Elbow, Eb/ow, wrist, wrist, dang GIRL you just got Dissed!..." *just reading it such an injustice, you should really see the motions.*

Wednesday-"...When Abby was a Angel, an Angel she went like this, WA-WA, suck my thumb, give me a piece of bubble gum, oo-ah lost my bra left it in my boyfriends car, hush kids I'm on the phone trying to get your daddy home, oh my aching back, AHHHHHH, when Abby was a...."

*Blink-Blink*

Thursday- I can't wait to hear what they learn tonight.


3 hours a night of bible school, and this is what they retain?!*shaking head*

"Gir-ls, do you think maybe you could pay more attention to the teachers and not your friends?"

Okay dear take a break, your only TWO!

Yesterday we celebrated Jacob's 2nd Birthday!

The chainsaw I bought him, has been a huge hit.

After opening it, he could careless about any other presents or the party.

He didn't even take a second look when we brought out his big gift, a riding ATV!
It was all we could do, to get him to stop working just to cut the cake.

You see what's in his other hand...

He worked and worked...

And worked and worked...

(Sweetheart, I believe there's a law against this? Don't you wanna stop and open more presents?)

But Even though it sounded like a real chainsaw and ran like a real chainsaw,


it just wouldn't make that tree fall.

???


(He watches Extreme Loggers with Daddy, so he's an expert.)

5 hours later we still aren't bored with it yet.


We did manage to set it down long enough to take a bath. But not without it being in site!

He even had to sleep with it. (Well, until he fell asleep.)

Today; He had it right out of the bed, Ate breakfast with it, took it to church...

And all this time, I was worried about him getting attached to a blanket or stuffed animal.

I can just see him going to kindergarten with this chainsaw in his backpack! Oh my =0

Happy 2nd, Little man!

Hey! That woman's wearing my shorts!!

Yesterday, I decided to do some much needed cleaning of my clothes for charity. If it was; too big, too small, so old the elastic disintegrated, or something I know I will always refuse to wear, it went in the bag! After I was done I was a little shocked at all the room I had and the fact I had nothing to wear.
The biggest shock came this morning. I thought of a shirt I had from last summer and realized it was missing. After searching behind the drawers and through all my stuff, I thought of at least five other summer things missing too.
With all the rain we've had, we have yet to break out the shorts in this cool weather. So, it hadn't dawned on me that I don't even have any shorts in my drawers. Out of site and not needed, out of mind, I guess. I don't know where they all went? Did I pack them all away last fall? If so, I can't find them anywhere!! I have searched everywhere for my clothes. It is driving me crazy. I am really panicking here. If summer ever does get here, I have nothing to wear. All I hope is I didn't pack them away last fall and they got mixed in with my charity bags!

Would you PLEASE pay attention!

Well Kailey's class finally had the PMS talk at school. It wasn't new to her seeing how we discussed it a year ago, but Needed. At that time she just sat with a blank stare, during the entire time, nodding in understanding. Then the next day said, "What was that punctuation thing again?". *Are you kidding me? I talked for an hour!*
I was hoping this time she would have paid better attention. She said the teacher explained that usually you start around the same age as your mother. Once she found out it may be another two years before she starts, with a huge sigh, she became very disappointed.

"Trust me" I said, "It's defiantly NOT something to look forward to!"
So, once again I don't think she really gets it.

Keep this up, and pretty soon we'll need a caution flag for your nose.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

Summer classes for Men

*Copy & paste*

THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, May 22nd, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by=2 0Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
On-line Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

*It was a little more effort than I wanted to put into today. But, I thought you were worth it. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow*

Dang it...AND, I forgot to buy cheese!!

It's a typical Monday and I've been slammed all day. I know it's no excuse for being a blog slacker. So, to give you an insight to my day here's a few pictures;

#1

Can't guess what that was?
Well, over the weekend Jason sprayed the yard to get rid of our ant issues.
Great right? Well one problem.
In trying to flee the poison soaked ground, they decided to try and move their nest eggs into our mailbox!
Nice huh!
So, That's our ant invested mailbox.
Wasn't that picture enough to give you the itches?

#2

No, it's not a dead skunk!
In saving money, I attempted to shave Koda myself.
I figure if I can't get my hair cut, neither can he!
Let me tell you though, it was a pretty bad idea.
What a mess!!
I could have made two stuffed dogs, with all the hair that came off of him.
The more I shaved the more I had to shave.
It just kept getting shorter and shorter, in my attempts to get him even.
All I can say is, I didn't have to pay $50, to walk away unhappy.
I don't know I guess he didn't turn out all that bad.
What do you think?
Do I need a paper bag, to take him out in public?

#3

I took Kailey to the orthodontist today for a consultation.
Looks like I have two options;

1. We'll be pity-poor but she'll have a pretty smile.
2. We'll be middle class poor and she'll have crooked teeth. (courtesy of Bush)

Darn those things are expensive.
Can you believe it's $4500. for braces!? That's a new car.

And last but not least...

#4

This is the third day in a row, Madisen had come home from school with a pile of toys.
For some reason her friends are giving her toys.
If I had to guess, knowing miss Madisen.
She's made up some exaggerated story, about how she doesn't have toys.
Meanwhile I can't find room, she has so many.

I can't imagine the pity stories that must be circulating the phone lines with that.
*deep breath*

So, that about it. Not too exciting I know, but hey it's only Monday!