*Overhead announcement*
Just a little tweak here and we will be on our way. Please Fasten your safety belts and listen to my lovely volunteer assistant. Since all doors are officially sealed and locked Outnumbered221 would you do me the honor of explaining the following Note I have left for you:
:"Please remain calm but, there are No emergency escape exits and we have limited air."
Ps; Don't panic at this point their belts are locked
Great job Outnumbered221, only next time lets please keep the hand gestures to a minimum. This is a G rated blog you know!
Hang on tight here we goooooo..... 2008,>>>>2007>>>>2006>>>>
"Would you like to add an order of cinnamon twists with your order?"
Oh crap everyone remain seated we went too far, let me try again.
<<<<1997<<<1999<<<2000<<<2005!>
Here we are, where it all started Super Pets. There we are all peeking in the cages at the guinea pigs of all shapes, colors and sizes. The girls are bickering back and forth over which pig they are going to get, who's going to name it, and who's going to hold it first. This is where Jason and I realized exactly what we were purchasing, (a daily headache) and decided to let them each pick out a fur ball. See the sign Each one a whopping $25 bucks a pop! ($50 + 2 cages , food for 2 ect.. That would buy a lot of Tylenol!) This is where some geeky store dude comes to tell us about the store guarantee they are all females, we figured problem solved. So we grabbed a cage and all the other expensive must have goodies and headed to the cash register. Now,Did you see it? That was where Jason and I exchanged the look of ' Holy crap are you kidding me!' ,as that young cashier barely able to make change made our day. Seems for whatever reason she decided to charge us for mice instead of guineas, giving us $50. guineas for $3.00! Should I have opened my mouth and said something? Probably. Did I? Heck no, were talking a $47 discount.You saw me, I put all my merchandise on the counter, cashier rang it up, and I paid the total she gave me. That by all means is Not stealing. It's not my fault they decided to hire ignorant help. Besides how many times have you gotten home looked at your ticket and realized you were overcharged? I have countless times! Did I go back and make a big Ta-do over it , NO! So, the way I justify it, it's Carma.
All was fine and dandy until Carma decided to bite us in the butt! 6 months later ...Come on...
(Now everyone make room and gather around the cage. Please overlook the mess, these guineas are messy. By the way Don't pet the dog. He gets nervous around strangers and pees.)
Here they are are Brownie & Harriet. Harriet is the white one with brown spot with the hair that touches the ground. Brownie is the short haired black and brown one. Aren't they cute? Now everybody watch and listen carefully. It's a Sunday afternoon Jason's on the computer next to the cage. (hands off ladies!) the girls are playing with the guineas and I'm in the other room.
Jason; "I think somethings wrong with Harriet?"
Me; running in, "What do you mean? What's wrong with her?"
Jason: "She hasn't been moving at all. I think she has a tumor or something on her side."
*We're all poking and prodding her*
Me; " The vet is closed, I'll call the store maybe they will know?"
(This is where I start pacing through the house, you'll have to follow to hear me)
Store: "Do you think maybe your Guinea is pregnant?"
Me; "It can't be I bought them at your store and they are supposed to be all females."
Store: "Oh, well then, Yes they are, maybe you should check...."
*Screaming* Jason and the girls: Harriet's Having Babies!!!!!!!!!
(if you have a weak stomach this would be the time you should look away!)
Me; "Never mind my question has been answered! You don't sell ALL females!!"
A few days later...
(Lean in close and I will explain, why it looks like I am Sexually harassing this poor guinea)
You see I was professionally advised that Ozzy AKA Brownie, would find Harriet one sexy pig now that she has given birth. If I didn't want him knocking her up again right away or inbreeding any of his daughters, he and any boys needed to be seperated.
So, That is why you see me in front of the computer, taking each squealing pig and examining their privates.
Why do I keep groping them over and over and looking, you ask?
Well, it's not as easy as it sounds. The picture on the computer is very hard to comprehend on a young pig. Yes, I see the donut or the V on the computer! Look, push back the fur what do you see? Seriously! This is no laughing matter. There's 5 guineas to get through and time is ticking. Look, See! Not so easy is it? Even if there is a V, you have to push down and see if anything pokes out or not. I told you it was more complicated than it looks!
Okay people this goes on for hours and we need to get back!
Take one last peek and the guinea pee pee's and we need to go.
>>>>>>>>>>2008
Hope you've enjoyed your time travel, hope you can join any future adventures.
