Advanced help with chlidren Volume 1

The Shooing Method

What is the Shooing Method?
A Technique used with children while you are on the phone, to signify you are busy and they need to leave. In which you motion with your hand in a very stern manner for them to go away.

(techniques may very from pointing, to a slight nudge in one direction or waving)

When is the method used?
The technique is used when all other methods have failed.
Other methods include; Warning them of all consequences before getting on the phone, Quietly telling them to wait when on the phone, and signing with your finger over your mouth to Shh!

Signs of Failures ; They continue to talk (maybe even louder)or gain your attention by following you, getting in your face, and/or tugging on your clothes.

When can I expect to use this method?
Anytime you need to make an important phone call, or if the phone rings in general. Any whisper of adult conversation can alert small children to coming running in need. (Note, no consideration will be given, even if it is the only phone call you have had all day. In a such case, You should also expect your call waiting alert to begin at this time. Be advised this technique does not apply nor is it effective to solicitors.) At this time you will loose all control of the quiet civilized household, you had two minutes before the phone rang.

Is this method effective?
In all case studies this method has been proven 100% non-effective. The child will continue with annoyance the same as compared to a fly at a picnic table. Although still using the technique is your common reaction of instinct. There have been severe cases in which the mother has to be air-vacted for immediate mental evaluation and counseling.

What can I expect after all techniques are applied and the phone call has ended? Usually, The child's behavior immediately turns from from little devil to sweet angel, to avoid any expected punishment. All crying, fighting and needs will diminish as though they never existed. Leaving you to frustrated and frazzled in confusion as to what you need to do next.

For further questions or concerns. Contact the Motherhood in crisis hot line at 1-911-MOM-HELP, or through my contact info. in the sidebar.

The Red door will be bolted shut for me!

At least two to four times a day I am forced to drive by my favorite salon, and envy all the cars parked out front. It's called the Red door salon and it's this white building with a big Red door. Today we were all in the car and driving by it and Kailey asks "Mommy have you ever been in that place with the big red door? What's it like?". I told her "Yes, and It's like walking into a piece of Heaven. That place is magical, you can walk in looking like a hag terrible and come out looking like a beauty queen. (that result can very from time to time but she doesn't know that) You can be pampered from head to toe, get your nails done, it's so wonderful and relaxing... " All while I'm telling her this I'm hoping Jason is taking notes, with Mother's day just around the corner. (Sneaky but clever don't you think?) It's like when those junk mail jewelry store catalogs never get thrown away, and are instead left out in plain view. Bad thing is it wouldn't matter what I say or do he gets what he wants. He'll come home with the biggest most expensive thing to get the 'Holy crap what did you do' effect. (which gets him lots of brownie points!) The only problem with that is once the shock has worn off and I see the price tag, I usually freak out and run with the receipt back to the store. Sad thing is this year I'll miss all that schmoozing and the little fight we have, when I threaten to take it back. That's because this year there will be no spa treatments or diamonds, no matter what I drop hints about or drool over. (No thanks to the little prick Mr. Bush for putting us in Recession...that's right I said it, it's not a 'Slow economy' you dweeb! Man up and act like you know a little something. He lies by omission better than Clinton ever did. Oh and I'm sure his wife won't be going without her pedi!) Nope instead this year our money will be going towards Gas and Groceries. Here I'd just settle for a new pair of BoGo's and a candy bar, yet I can't even get that. At least I know my little babies won't leave me hanging. They always treat me to the best homemade gifts ever.

Friday's Fight the frump with Fussy

I think eventhough we desperately need to work on fighting the frump, when we go out. I do believe it's also important, if not more important to start inside the home. Our wife roles are what lead us to motherhood so shouldn't we start there. I know there are some days you want to relax in something comfy, But let's try defrumping our bedtime wear.

Mommy Fashion Don'ts

First off toss the moo-moo's and curlers, your showing no effort with those.

Pajamas with cartoon characters, what are you 13? Get rid of those!

Now..

Pull out your good panties and the purfume and get to work

Look at these, really cute non-Frumpy PJ's

A little conservative for around the kids, yet a little sex appeal thrown in for the hubby.

Feeling a little froggy you can go with these other options;

1. Something that says I'm still hot, but hides most any flaws. Gives you enough coverage, so you can wear it infront of the younger kids.

2. Shows a little more skin, say's I'm cute and frisky.

3.For those nights the kids are gone to grandmas, or out cold for the night.

Warning: Please proceed with Caution

(this option could lead to more babies)

This say's come here Big Daddy..

Believe me if you have Any flaws, in this he'll Never see them!

These are all great for mixing about, just make sure you don't mix the do's with the dont's;

Tune in again on Fridays for more Fight the Frump with Fussy