Thursday, July 24, 2008

Time Traveling to see the Guineas

Pencils down voting is now officially closed. Looks the the majority picked C, so everyone sign a Risk release form and let's get going. I will not be responsible for anyone stuck in the past, so please stay with group. Please remove all hats, sunglasses and loose objects before entering the time capsule. (Teresa that includes the tiara. Give it to Kailey to hold and Mrs. Joos I love ya but there is no eating on the capsule so leave your apples.) Now, if you are all ready please watch your step and cram in to make room for everyone.
Overhead announcement*
Just a little tweak here and we will be on our way. Please Fasten your safety belts and listen to my lovely volunteer assistant.
Since all doors are officially sealed and locked Outnumbered221 would you do me the honor of explaining the following Note I have left for you:
:"Please remain calm but, there are No emergency escape exits and we have limited air."
Ps; Don't panic at this point their belts are locked

Great job Outnumbered221, only next time lets please keep the hand gestures to a minimum. This is a G rated blog you know!

Hang on tight here we goooooo..... 2008,>>>>2007>>>>2006>>>>

Would you like to add an order of cinnamon twists with your order?"

Oh crap everyone remain seated we went too far, let me try again.


Here we are, where it all started Super Pets. There we are all peeking in the cages at the guinea pigs of all shapes, colors and sizes. The girls are bickering back and forth over which pig they are going to get, who's going to name it, and who's going to hold it first. This is where Jason and I realized exactly what we were purchasing, (
a daily headache) and decided to let them each pick out a fur ball. See the sign Each one a whopping $25 bucks a pop! ($50 + 2 cages , food for 2 ect.. That would buy a lot of Tylenol!) This is where some geeky store dude comes to tell us about the store guarantee they are all females, we figured problem solved. So we grabbed a cage and all the other expensive must have goodies and headed to the cash register. Now,Did you see it? That was where Jason and I exchanged the look of ' Holy crap are you kidding me!' ,as that young cashier barely able to make change made our day. Seems for whatever reason she decided to charge us for mice instead of guineas, giving us $50. guineas for $3.00! Should I have opened my mouth and said something? Probably. Did I? Heck no, were talking a $47 discount.You saw me, I put all my merchandise on the counter, cashier rang it up, and I paid the total she gave me. That by all means is Not stealing. It's not my fault they decided to hire ignorant help. Besides how many times have you gotten home looked at your ticket and realized you were overcharged? I have countless times! Did I go back and make a big Ta-do over it , NO! So, the way I justify it, it's Carma.

All was fine and dandy until Carma decided to bite us in the butt! 6 months later ...Come on...
(Now everyone make room and gather around the cage. Please overlook the mess, these guineas are messy. By the way Don't pet the dog. He gets nervous around strangers and pees.)

Here they are are Brownie & Harriet. Harriet is the white one with brown spot with the hair that touches the ground. Brownie is the short haired black and brown one. Aren't they cute? Now everybody watch and listen carefully. It's a Sunday afternoon Jason's on the computer next to the cage. (hands off ladies!) the girls are playing with the guineas and I'm in the other room.
Jason; "I think somethings wrong with Harriet?"
Me; running in, "What do you mean? What's wrong with her?"
Jason: "She hasn't been moving at all. I think she has a tumor or something on her side."
*We're all poking and prodding her*
Me; " The vet is closed, I'll call the store maybe they will know?"

(This is where I start pacing through the house, you'll have to follow to hear me)

"Do you think maybe your Guinea is pregnant?"
Me; "It can't be I bought them at your store and they are supposed to be all females."
Store: "Oh, well then, Yes they are, maybe you should check...."

*Screaming* Jason and the girls: Harriet's Having Babies!!!!!!!!!
(if you have a weak stomach this would be the time you should look away!)

Me; "Never mind my question has been answered! You don't sell ALL females!!"

A few days later...

(Lean in close and I will explain, why it looks like I am Sexually harassing this poor guinea)
You see I was professionally advised that Ozzy AKA Brownie, would find Harriet one sexy pig now that she has given birth. If I didn't want him knocking her up again right away or inbreeding any of his daughters, he and any boys needed to be seperated.
So, That is why you see me in front of the computer, taking each squealing pig and examining their privates.
Why do I keep groping them over and over and looking, you ask?

Well, it's not as easy as it sounds. The picture on the computer is very hard to comprehend on a young pig. Yes, I see the donut or the V on the computer! Look, push back the fur what do you see? Seriously! This is no laughing matter. There's 5 guineas to get through and time is ticking. Look, See! Not so easy is it? Even if there is a V, you have to push down and see if anything pokes out or not. I told you it was more complicated than it looks!

Okay people this goes on for hours and we need to get back!

Take one last peek and the guinea pee pee's and we need to go.


Hope you've enjoyed your time travel, hope you can join any future adventures.


  1. You would think that at the pet store, since they are PET EXPERTS, they would be able to check the sex of the freaking rodents. Yet, I have heard stories like this before! What did you end up doing with the babies?

  2. I sexed them the best I could and gave them away. I just hope those that took more than one, had better luck than me! ;)

  3. Oh.My.God. What a funny story. It appears that the pet store was using the same website as you to figure out if they had all girls or not :) What a weird mess, but a great discount!

  4. uh-huh. That's how our last kitten morphed from Olive Oyle to Mr. Oliver.....I just can't tell a donut from a V.....

  5. hahha, yeah. That seems to happen quite frequently. People who work at pet store are usually slightly.... erm well... dumb. lol. To put it lightly.

    So Yeah. That was a great story. You should have called and been like... "WTF!? LMAO. You gave me a boy and a girl! What's that guarantee all about?! What do I get!?"

  6. My question is...what's the guarantee? Do you get your money back if it's a boy?? (The money that you didn't really spend?) Do they think that you will give the little rat back (that your kids have already memorized every stinkin' inch so there's no way to replace it) for another GIRL rat?
    That's some good adventure right there!! Nice work!

  7. LMAO. What an experience. And an excellently written post!

  8. LOL!! That was great, i'm glad you shared this story. Oh and stop by my site, i have something for you... :)

  9. That is hilarous.....your better than I am....I would have passed that job off to the hubby!! Now, when does the next story time come?

  10. Holly crap that is funny and talk about Carma!

  11. That is hilarious but first, oh my gosh, you worked at Taco Bell? We had the same experience with our fish but we had the misfortune or fortune to have another fish eat all the babies. Yeah, that was a traumatic week for the youngster explaining why the babies were being eaten.

  12. Carma is so fickle. Did you end up with a boy and girl because you didn't pay the correct price for them? or Did you only pay the low price because the faiths knew a boy from a girl and knew you had gotten screwed by the pet store? Which ever it was. Great story! Now how about the others? WE want to hear about all of them!

  13. Ok, I couldn't see the baby on my ultrasound, do you think I can find a pee pee on a guinea? Can't we just take them to the vets to find out!?!? are seriously a great writer!


  14. Oh my goodness - I will NEVER agree to Gpigs in this house!!!!!!!
    Do you still have Harriet and Brownie??

  15. wow, what a funny story. i had the same experience when i was a child... our hamster had 13 babies! my mom flipped

  16. No Ozzy & Harriet had to find new homes once the baby came. Too much work!

  17. De-lurking here to laugh out loud at your story!! We've been there, done that with the guinea pigs, only bringing little guinea-babies into the world was a CHOICE, made by my husband! lol!

  18. Site has very useful content and articles. Will recommend this to others.

  19. Oh my goodness? And what has happened since to the piggies?? Love the blog!

  20. these are the stories we look back on as parents and laugh our pants off!


Girls could you PLEASE give our guest some space. Take your brother and go play. Sorry,it's hectic here, what were you saying?"...

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