Monday, July 27, 2009

You just thought, YOU were having a bad day!

He's just a two year old how hard could it be?

Ah-ha, thought you'd never ask!

Here's just one example of what I've been going through...

Just the other day...

I had to make a very important phone call. As the phone on the other end is ringing, I spotted Madisen and asked her to run and see where Jake was. ( As I know it only takes a second before he's into something.)

"He's fine, Kailey's going to play with him while your on the phone." , She said.

Approximately 20 minutes later I get off the phone, turn around, and see Jake walking towards me waddling like a duck. He's covered from head to toe with paint, making paint footprints behind him.

"Look Mommy, I paint!!" he said in a lovely shade of purple.

I can only imagine the haunting shade of white my face became, as the shock rushed over me. I immediately grabbed him up and went running for the bath tub. Screaming in panic for the girls to hurry and help, I went as fast as I could.

"Strip your clothes off, and what ever you do, DO NOT let Jake out of the tub!!"

I knew wherever the paint was, time was of the essence to get it up. As I followed the painted footprints imprinted in the carpet. (Of our RENTED house might I ad) I was led straight to the masterpiece corner! He had somehow managed to get open two containers of paint. One Red & one blue.

(Which were in a case and up high. Obviously not high enough!)

Mr. Man, had painted the walls, his toys, his bed, his bedding, and HIMSELF!

He poured big piles of each color right on the carpet, and even made a mixing pile of purple.

Little Picasso had made such a mess!

I grabbed towels, a bucket of water and every bottle of stain remover I could find, and immediately went to scrubbing like a mad woman.

All the while yelling "Are you watching him?! Do NOT let him move!!"

After lots of scrubbing, and seeing how much progress I had made, I started to breath again.

Taking a deep breath, I began to laugh...

I still have paint stains on the floor.

Jake is sitting in the tub covered in paint.

I ran out of stain remover and need to go to the store.

The kids haven't had lunch yet.

AND, Kailey has to be at the orthodontist in 35 Minutes!!

Everything after that was a complete blurr.

Somehow I got it all done and made it to her appointment, and On Time at that!

At some point in between all the madness, I did take a few seconds to grab my camera.

They were taken at the time where I was breathing, so they are blurry and most of the paint was cleaned up. On Jake too! At least I captured something, right?

Can you believe this little monster?

All I know is; Thank God for Oxi Clean, and the fact it was kids paint!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Envying the neighborhood strays this year

Every year we go All out for the fourth. We drive up to the next state and buy tons of illegal fireworks. I say "we", what I really mean is Jason. Here's how it really works. He begs to go stop at the fireworks store. Swears we won't buy much. Then I follow him around the store as he snatches and grabs, like a kid in a candy store.Then what happens? We walk out of the store buying twice as much as we did the year before. It's crazy! We bought so much the year before last, the store gave us $200, if free stuff. It took two shopping carts, just to get them to the car. Where we had to cover them with blankets to get them across states.

The key is to buy them a few weeks in advance, so you don't get caught. The only thing is until the fourth we have enough explosives in our house to blow up China.

Well this year with the slowed economy The Big Dawg, had to just lay in the yard and sulk this year. All we could afford was a few from the TNT tent in front of Wal-mart this year. All completely legal. Nothing over five foot off the ground. Just a bunch of little fountain fireworks! BOR-ING!

We did a few before dark so Jake could enjoy them, before bed.

I told you, they were pathetic!

"Don't worry kids we have a whole box full."

After dark when we went out with the girls. We thought it won't be too bad, at least they will enjoy them.
That was until the neighbors started. Apparently they had more money than we did this year and were able to afford some of the big ones. Not as much as we would have bought but, nonetheless. Talk about a nose rubbing. It didn't matter what we lit, as soon as we heard & felt the boom concussion in our chest, our fireworks became invisible. As nice as it was to at least have some to look at, it was still disheartening.

The scary thing is I know when we do buy some, he'll we'll have to make up for this year!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

So? What did you learn at bible school?

Monday- "Girls go to college to get more knowledge, Boys go to Jupiter to get more Stupider..."

Tuesday-"Don't make me snap my fingers in a Z-formation, hip rotation, a Booty Vibration.Elbow, Eb/ow, wrist, wrist, dang GIRL you just got Dissed!..." *just reading it such an injustice, you should really see the motions.*

Wednesday-"...When Abby was a Angel, an Angel she went like this, WA-WA, suck my thumb, give me a piece of bubble gum, oo-ah lost my bra left it in my boyfriends car, hush kids I'm on the phone trying to get your daddy home, oh my aching back, AHHHHHH, when Abby was a...."


Thursday- I can't wait to hear what they learn tonight.

3 hours a night of bible school, and this is what they retain?!*shaking head*

"Gir-ls, do you think maybe you could pay more attention to the teachers and not your friends?"

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Okay dear take a break, your only TWO!

Yesterday we celebrated Jacob's 2nd Birthday!

The chainsaw I bought him, has been a huge hit.

After opening it, he could careless about any other presents or the party.

He didn't even take a second look when we brought out his big gift, a riding ATV!
It was all we could do, to get him to stop working just to cut the cake.

You see what's in his other hand...

He worked and worked...

And worked and worked...

(Sweetheart, I believe there's a law against this? Don't you wanna stop and open more presents?)

But Even though it sounded like a real chainsaw and ran like a real chainsaw,

it just wouldn't make that tree fall.


(He watches Extreme Loggers with Daddy, so he's an expert.)

5 hours later we still aren't bored with it yet.

We did manage to set it down long enough to take a bath. But not without it being in site!

He even had to sleep with it. (Well, until he fell asleep.)

Today; He had it right out of the bed, Ate breakfast with it, took it to church...

And all this time, I was worried about him getting attached to a blanket or stuffed animal.

I can just see him going to kindergarten with this chainsaw in his backpack! Oh my =0

Happy 2nd, Little man!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Hey! That woman's wearing my shorts!!

Yesterday, I decided to do some much needed cleaning of my clothes for charity. If it was; too big, too small, so old the elastic disintegrated, or something I know I will always refuse to wear, it went in the bag! After I was done I was a little shocked at all the room I had and the fact I had nothing to wear.
The biggest shock came this morning. I thought of a shirt I had from last summer and realized it was missing. After searching behind the drawers and through all my stuff, I thought of at least five other summer things missing too.
With all the rain we've had, we have yet to break out the shorts in this cool weather. So, it hadn't dawned on me that I don't even have any shorts in my drawers. Out of site and not needed, out of mind, I guess. I don't know where they all went? Did I pack them all away last fall? If so, I can't find them anywhere!! I have searched everywhere for my clothes. It is driving me crazy. I am really panicking here. If summer ever does get here, I have nothing to wear. All I hope is I didn't pack them away last fall and they got mixed in with my charity bags!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Would you PLEASE pay attention!

Well Kailey's class finally had the PMS talk at school. It wasn't new to her seeing how we discussed it a year ago, but Needed. At that time she just sat with a blank stare, during the entire time, nodding in understanding. Then the next day said, "What was that punctuation thing again?". *Are you kidding me? I talked for an hour!*
I was hoping this time she would have paid better attention. She said the teacher explained that usually you start around the same age as your mother. Once she found out it may be another two years before she starts, with a huge sigh, she became very disappointed.
"Trust me" I said, "It's defiantly NOT something to look forward to!"
So, once again I don't think she really gets it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Monday, May 18, 2009

Summer classes for Men

*Copy & paste*


by Friday, May 22nd, 2009

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by=2 0Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
On-line Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

*It was a little more effort than I wanted to put into today. But, I thought you were worth it. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow*

Monday, May 4, 2009

Dang it...AND, I forgot to buy cheese!!

It's a typical Monday and I've been slammed all day. I know it's no excuse for being a blog slacker. So, to give you an insight to my day here's a few pictures;


Can't guess what that was?
Well, over the weekend Jason sprayed the yard to get rid of our ant issues.
Great right? Well one problem.
In trying to flee the poison soaked ground, they decided to try and move their nest eggs into our mailbox!
Nice huh!
So, That's our ant invested mailbox.
Wasn't that picture enough to give you the itches?


No, it's not a dead skunk!
In saving money, I attempted to shave Koda myself.
I figure if I can't get my hair cut, neither can he!
Let me tell you though, it was a pretty bad idea.
What a mess!!
I could have made two stuffed dogs, with all the hair that came off of him.
The more I shaved the more I had to shave.
It just kept getting shorter and shorter, in my attempts to get him even.
All I can say is, I didn't have to pay $50, to walk away unhappy.
I don't know I guess he didn't turn out all that bad.
What do you think?
Do I need a paper bag, to take him out in public?


I took Kailey to the orthodontist today for a consultation.
Looks like I have two options;

1. We'll be pity-poor but she'll have a pretty smile.
2. We'll be middle class poor and she'll have crooked teeth. (courtesy of Bush)

Darn those things are expensive.
Can you believe it's $4500. for braces!? That's a new car.

And last but not least...


This is the third day in a row, Madisen had come home from school with a pile of toys.
For some reason her friends are giving her toys.
If I had to guess, knowing miss Madisen.
She's made up some exaggerated story, about how she doesn't have toys.
Meanwhile I can't find room, she has so many.

I can't imagine the pity stories that must be circulating the phone lines with that.
*deep breath*

So, that about it. Not too exciting I know, but hey it's only Monday!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dear it's okay, hardly anyone reads my blog anyways.

What am I staring at?

I can tell you it's nothing that will be saving me money on or for ANYTHING!

Well, I take that back. I guess it could save us money if we were going to a football game. There would be no need to purchase a big FOAM FINGER when you have a guy with this sitting with you...

This is Jason's new excuse to get my attention. I guess he figured he better step it up a notch, Seeing how these never seemed to work;

All the times ,Getting sick , I mean dying (funny how he's still alive and kicking)
The chronic back pain, with a chiropractor insisting he needed to be seen weekly.
(Come on! I could not believe he was falling for that one. Anyone who walks through the door automatically has one leg longer than the other and needs to be on a regimen of weekly treatments)
Ear pain ~where he claimed to hear ringing & couldn't hear
( which I think was just an excuse to ignore me!)
Never mind the endless searches on
The time he had Shingles, because my mom had it.
(Only his was just a stiff neck)
His big toe was killing him ( he swore he must have Gout)
The spot on his belly (Defiantly was Ringworm, NOT!)
Chest pain, when he almost called me to say his goodbyes
( which was nothing more than hot peanuts he had ate)

And...I figure these will get me in enough trouble so I better stop! But, I'm telling you I could keep going.

Personally just between You, Me, and the fence post I think he just purposely tried to get hurt. How else does a man who is constantly playing with power tools get hurt on a measly ol' ratchet strap?

"Honey, sure I believe your story. You were adjusting it and it smacked back and tore open your finger. I know, I believe you!" (*shaking my head No*)

Bless his heart, look at these nasty stitches.

In his defence, it was alot more swollen earlier, and it was so painfull he practically fainted when they washed it.

"Yes Dear, your right!"

I forgot to mention He didn't even have Tylenol.

"I didn't even have Tylenol when I gave birth, but it's not like it's a competition."

A few days of resting, with his finger stuck straight up in the air, and I'm sure he'll be as good as new. Well, with a little less feeling in the finger, seeing how he cut a nerve, but New.

"You know Dear if you just wanted to stay home with me, all you had to do was take a day off!"

"Settle down, I'm only Joking!! I know you really got hurt. Alright alright,I'll make it up to you. How about a nice back rub? Or a ... DEAR! come back..."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Doesn't anyone hire Americans?

Advanced apology letter;
Dear Readers,
Please forgive me for the post you are about to read.

For all of you two second regulars stopping in from the sand countries, this especially applies to you.
(Yes, I know you secretly come by. The camel dung, gave you away.)

I apologize to anyone who may find the content of this post offensive. Please don't throw shoes at me
, or overload the comment box. I love all of you and just like to poke a little fun. Besides, where I come from teasing is a form of affection!

Advanced prayer;
Dear Lord,
As Larry the cable guy would say "Please forgive me and be with the pygmies in New Guinea"!
Oh, and Ps; help those who read my sad and pathetic blog, to find humor in my pinkness!
And be with all the sick people...
And help me to have patients as a mother. Especially right now with Jacob attacking me while I'm typing praying.
Pss; Be with Kailey today at school, as she learns to ride a bike with one hand. In which I think is unsafe. You know Lord, I better pray for her teacher also. She really needs her head examined! By the way thank you for being with Kailey, the last time she rode her bike and knocked out her front tooth.
Okay I better rap this up Lord, I'll talk to you later.
In Jesus name, Amen

Can anyone tell me? Does anyone hire Americans?

Why is it everywhere I call customer service, after 30 minutes of yelling "CUSTOMER SERVICE" at the automated machine, I get this guy...

He barely speaks or understands English, and he's on my LAST nerve!
Did I mention the biggest factor of all...He's in INDIA!
In India, answering a US problem! Do you not see the problem with this?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Seriously, it's been 2 weeks, will you STOP staring at me?

Think your cute don't you?
Go ahead, ask some-bunny how fun it is to torture me.

~Wordless Wednesday~

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Can I grab just one more?

All during our trip, Kailey collected brochures at every stop we made. There was no mistaken we were tourists! Which pains me to say! She had enough paper in her hands to cause a fire hazard. Here's the one she was really intrigued about!

ZORB ball fun.

According to the information Kailey read about it online;
Your allowed to ride with two friends and a bucket of water in this thing, down a hill!
I asked her if this was something she would like to do next time, and she said everything BUT, Hell No!

She said, "I don't care how much fun they make it look like. Or how many good comments they write, I'm not doing that!"

Monday, April 20, 2009

Unfortunately we're back

Well it seems the cabin housekeepers have keys to all the locks. And, seeing how the resort frowns on squatters, we were forced to leave. I knew they would eventually call the police, and a stand off with kids in the house, would have been bad. So we're back!

I know before I left I promised to take lots of pictures. Unfortunately every time I turned around Jason would say,"you can always take pictures later, let's go..", or I wouldn't have it when I needed it. So, needless to say I just didn't follow through on my promise. In my defense I did spend a lot of time with Jacob on my hip and taking pictures with him is impossible. Half way through the weekend he started running a fever and just wanted to be held the whole time. Then there was the time he was puking all over me. Of course you know it wouldn't have been a real vacation without one of the three puking, at some point and time. However somehow I did manage to get a few taken, so the whole weekend wasn't a total loss.

Now for the good stuff picture time...

Gatlinburg , Tn

Here's our luxury cabin we stayed in.
It was so nice! Right in the Great Smoky Mountains.

Oh Crap! Wait a minute No, that's not it. That's on the way to the cabins.

Sorry, You'll have to bare with me. I am so tired! With playing all day everyday and staying up really late every night, It was a little bit exhausting. Of course one night of having the neighbors wake us up at 3 in the morning didn't help either. Although, the fact the that they were charged a $250. fee was pretty well worth it. Then not to mention getting up at 5 this morning!
Okay let's get back on the train of thought, here.

Here's the cabin we really stayed in...

Although not as big or as accommodating as the others we have stayed in here, it was really nice.
When we first got there, Jason wasn't too thrilled with the 22 steps to the door.
Where as I just looked at it as I was going to be able to eat more.

The game room was our favorite part of the house.

We had to make a few alterations for Jacob, but he too enjoyed the fun!

The only bad part about it was Jason & I thought the kids would never go to sleep.

We waited for hours to be alone and enjoy the hot tub on the porch.
Dang it, Which I have No pictures of!!
The girls loved the heated pool, but thought the small private pool on the balcony was way better. The begged and pleated to stay in it the whole weekend. Yet, I don't have one single picture or video of them in it! I guess I was too busy complaining "I SAID, don't splash out all of the water!!"

However I did manage to get a few pictures on the front porch. None of the views, but plenty of the kids. (Man, what's wrong with me?)

Here's the girls...

No they didn't attend a Mardi Gras there!
Luckily it doesn't take much to entertain them.


Here's Jake...

And Madisen...

And here's...

What's that? Your bored??

Alright, alright no more pictures I get it!

I've got lots to do anyways, as you can see...

Well I better go too. It's 1:30 and I haven't even picked up the dog from boarding yet!! It was nice of you to stop by though...