Monday, April 14, 2008

When locks just aren't enough


Ever since the kids could crawl they have always been under my heels. Taking care of the kids all the time without really having a break can get to you. Especially, when you live in a small house. We all know it’s great when our husbands come home to take some of the load off. But, just because he’s home it does not mean you’re off. Being the mom you are the 24/7 provider and that’s just the facts (at least in my house anyways). I sometimes feel like I just can’t catch a break. Everyone is always needing something, all the time. There really is no Me time until they are all in the bed asleep. About the only time I get to sit down is when I stop to pee. Even then it’s not without someone charging through the door in dire need of something. Years ago it started out with tiny little fingers reaching underneath the door and two eyes desperately trying to peek. So, some where over time it went from just plain cute to “why won’t they just leave me alone for five minutes!”. Over the years I’ve tried to remember to be smart and lock the door behind me. I feel like when I am in the bathroom showering, peeing or just putting on makeup it’s My time. My time to breathe and relax for just a moment, away from it all. Yet No one in this house gets that. Not the kids and certainly not my husband when he’s home. No, instead he's playing on the computer or watching TV, oblivious to anything. (My bad... I've spoiled him rotten!) So, no matter what I am trying to do in the bathroom, the knocking begins. Now you know you can’t hear anything outside a door when you’re showering. You yell back and forth and try to hear what is So important. Telling them to wait just isn’t an option, because they will still stand mumbling at the door until you shut off the water to answer. If you do turn off the water to hear, by the time you turn it back on you’re wondering whether or not you already washed your hair. Meanwhile here they are back two minutes later pressing their mouth against the crack of the door trying to talk to you again.
I know one day it will all come to an end and I will curse that peace I was so desperately wanting. So until then I will just hold my head behind that door, take a few breaths, sigh and answer them back sweetly.

48 comments:

  1. My wife has recently joined a Dental School to pursue her Masters Degree and so I have been looking after our children (son aged 5 and daughter aged 3) for these past couple of months. I used to help my wife off and on and in the back of my mind, I always knew it was an uphill monotonous grind. But I was rudely shocked by the enormity of the task at hand. God, I am already pooped and to make things worse, I do not have much patience also. So, all I can do is salute you my dear, for now I know what it takes. Here is wishing all the mothers and fathers good luck and happy parenting. May God bestow upon the likes of us, enough energy to last till required!

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  2. Hi! Boy, can I relate! Except I have 3 boys, no girls. I am crazy or being driven there most of the time! The boys are all older than your kids and I think it gets better as they get older. But by no means never wish for it to all go faster! My oldest is almost 16 and I just don't know where all the years went! Like you say(and I tell myself the same thing), sometimes I just wish I could have a tiny bit of peace, but then I wonder what my life will be like when I get the peace I so desperately long for! What will I do with myself when that time comes? I'm sure I will figure it out, but I consider myself one of(if not the most) blessed people in the world! Your family looks beautiful, too! Thanks for listening! Jeri

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  3. So true! My husband always wonders why the first thing I do when he walks in the door from work is go pee. Hello?!?! I have been holding it almost all day. And if I do have to go, I barely get it all out before someone is banging on the door. In my house, if Mommy does not answer the first time called, the screaming and whining begins.

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  4. I am a SAHM of 4 children (three boys and one baby girl) and I laughed when I read this as I completely understand. Unfortunately I don't have a lock on my bathroom door so bedtime is my break.
    I am not alone! I am not alone! :)

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  5. My Husband doesn't get the me time shower thing either. I have to get out of the shower to take care of the baby with soap in my hair while he is chatting with his hunting buddies on the internet. Maybe I will start getting up at two to take a shower.
    :)

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  6. I have just been blog-hopping and happened upon yours. Who'd-a-thunk I'd find another mom (or several) with me-time issues! I'm just at the very start (two girls, one two-years and one two-weeks) and I'm already frazzled. Here's hoping I can make it as far as well as you!

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  7. Reading this gave me insight,and it probably shouldn't have. My wife is home with our three for most of the day and I can sense when I get home that she really needs me, even for a few minutes. Sometimes I don't always help out her out and I should. Thanks.

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  8. We built a bigger house 2 years ago and made sure there were pleanty of bathrooms to cure that problem. However they seem to think the master bathroom is the best toilet seat in the house! ARG!!!! I too know this will end soon as my youngest is 3.5 years old and will start Kindergarden in a couple of years but right now I would do ANYTHING (almost) for ME time. love the blog! LOL

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  9. I can also relate, I have four kids and sometimes I will sneak out of the room to go pee. I can get away with it sometimes, other times some tragedy will occur while I am halfway down the hall and I will have to turn back to save whoever is crying. Then I will forget where I was headed in the first place :)

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  10. My wife is expecting our first, shall have to remember that she soon will be in your shoes and i should take this as sound advice!!

    Liam

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  11. Oh my oh my. I can totally relate. I'm yet to remember a time when I could shower on my own, pee on my own or even sleep on my own. Aaahhhh, I'm dreaming about it, but alas it seems so far away in the distance that I don't think that day will ever come.

    Woe is us.

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  12. Oh, how I feel your pain! I don't even bother closing the door when I pee anymore because I know it is just going to get knocked on repeatedly anyway.

    I guess one day, when they are embarrased to be seen with us in public, we will cherish these memories. Maybe not.

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  13. True dat! My kids will be standing in the kitchen with Big Daddy and ask me to say, get them a cup that they can't reach. Why I ask you??? To top it off, Big Daddy wont say a word *L* I yell back that their daddy's in there, ask him and it's as if that thought just never occurred to them. We moms, we're super heroes you know.

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  14. Just read your blog for the first time. Sounds like me about 18 months ago! I have 2 boys who all of the sudden don't seem to be interrupting me as much. They are 6 and 3 and I've just started freaking out that maybe they won't WANT me around soon. It's always something, isn't it?

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  15. The other day, I really had to go... I thought I had escaped. Then my three year-old followed me in ("To keep you company, Mommy!")... she was followed by the first cat... then the second cat. Finally, my husband and asked, "What's going on in here?" I can't poop in peace - that's what's going on!

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  16. Yikes, that doesn't sound very pleasant. I'm lucky enough to have my own bathroom, I can't imagine what it must be like to not even be able to pee in peace... It sounds like you could use a private vacation in the very near future, though.

    Also, I just published an entry regarding some children that came into my job today. It might make your situation seem a little less stressful. I don't know.

    Again, I envy your ability to deal with all of this and publish such great entries that seem to take a lot of it in stride.

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  17. Whenever mom took a bath it became my time because my brothers were embarassed to walk in while she was (gasp) naked! I loved it - I know she hated it. I am sure she just wanted 5 minutes to think without hearing a kid say...MOM!

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  18. I have this same problem as a mom of five. It got to the point where I felt as if my kids were trying to draw water from an empty well. I was completly dry, and needed some "me" time to "fill the well" Last year I started running. It is amazing how much better I feel. I take an hour almost everyday to run, and get my aggression out on the pavement, then I don't mind the no privacy thing the rest of the day. I am a true believer that every Mom needs time to get away from the kids, in order to be a better Mom. When we get time away, we appreciate them so much more.

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  19. Totally relate to that. When the hubby's at home, it rarely makes a difference, because he is going to be knocking on your door, in case of an 'emergency', anyway.
    I'm reminded of the other day, when I had given my 9 month old daughter Debbie a bath and had to rush to the kitchen to check on something on the stove.I made the mistake of leaving her without a diaper...what the heck, it's only a minute... my husband got a phone call just then (his boss) and I was in the kitchen and lovely, sweet Debbie chose that moment, of all moments, to crap on the floor. My husband just stood there and stared. I happened to come back into the bedroom, just in time to catch the event. Debbie continued to crawl all over a portion of the floor and do 'crap art'.
    So, where's 'Me time' if you can't even get an eventless moment in the day?!
    Hat's off to you...you're a real champion!

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  20. It was a amazing experience to visit this website and read the articles and contents. http://www.saadepunjab.com

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  21. Being the mom of 3 boys, I can remember my mom telling me don't blink because they will grow up so fast. Now my 14 year old is looking down at me. The 14 and 13 year don't even want to be seen with me and my hubby, it is so sad...So I say relish the crazy time you have now, because it does get quite very quick.
    p.s. love your blog

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  22. Just read all your entries. It was like a great book I could not go away until I read every last one of them. My daughter has 2 sons and I hear all of this from her. I laugh, because I have already been through it. She says I cursed her when she was younger. She remembers me saying "I hope someday when you are grown that you have a kid JUST LIKE YOU" and she does. lol But its all in fun. I try to help her out as much as I can. I remember praying for a few minutes to myself, especially in the bathroom.

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  23. So funny! We have the SAME life!

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  24. I know EXACTLY what you mean. My little girl always decides she is hungry while I'm in the shower. Or she will ask me to change the channel on the TV? "I'm in the shower"... Unfortunately right now my husband is deployed, so I never get a break until both kids are in bed at night. (8:30 pm) And even then my daughter will find random excuses to get out of bed.

    Great blog!

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  25. All mothers are a huge inspiration - you have to deal with so much chaos and you pull it off so gracefully

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  26. Kudos to all the mothers on here. I'm a doting aunt, but can't wait to have a few of my own........gosh, so much work!!!:-)

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  27. I'm a single mom, so I understand how you feel. I have a great support unit. My mom is my babysitter, which puts my mind at ease knowing she's with someone who loves her while i'm at work. My 7 month old is teething now so I've had many sleepless nights. Last night she woke up at 4 am wanting to play. It's so hard to say no to those cute little hands and eyes. But like all things we make sure we do. I know I don't want to be saying where did the time go when she's 18 and going to college.

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  28. I know the feeling...
    really...
    difference is i am a daddy.. and now we have a nanny so I can work (I work from home)...
    Still doesn't make much difference tho...
    But hey...
    when he's not around I kinda miss him so much!

    well.. zya!

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  29. Haha this makes me anxious to have children of my own :) its always the things that drive you crazy the most that you end up wanting back when it's over. life is just awesome like that!
    have a great day!!

    abby

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  30. Enjoyed reading your blog today--keep up the good work (with the writing AND the kids!)...

    a Mom in Phoenix, AZ.

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  31. Was laughing all the way through this! I loved it and quickly related to it. I finally sat my hubby down and said, "LOOK! The shower is ME time. Watch the kids. Don't talk to me. Don't let them talk to me. Don't get me if someone calls on the phone for me. LEAVE ME ALONE." Since then, its been a bit better! :)

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  32. As an older mom (kids are now 20 and 16) I have to say: wise up! Now is the time to establish your space and get your kids and husband to respect you a little. Being "heroic" is only going to leave you burned out and make your children harder to handle. "wait until mommy comes out of the bathroom" is a great rule to start teaching now.

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  33. I know my mom wishes my sisters and I (19, 17 and 15) were still the cute little babies you have now.

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  34. Another thing we have in common! This is exactly why I stay up late at night. I wrote a post about this not long ago on my blog.

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  35. Love your bathroom story. An experience all moms can relate to. I now have older children and still have very few moments alone because they all still need something all the time. It does however get easier. Your sense of humor will get you thru! Visit my blog www.backcounterbuffet.blogspot.com
    I dose up humor, recipes, menu plans and reflections on a daily basis. I am just a little bit further down the road of life!
    Cheers
    Julia

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  36. This really cracked me up...it was like a page taken from my book of days LOL :)
    Cute place you have here!!

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  37. Wow! You give me hope that I may be able to do this Mommy thing after all. I'm a stay at home mom of 1 and I also have M.S. so it feels like I have 10 kids! My son's almost 6 mo's old & I still feel like I got hit by a truck &nobody told me this is really hard! My son's a joy,but I find myself having panic attacks all the time. Can you give me any advice?
    I love your page how did you do all the cool graphics?
    my e-mail is megsbliss@gmail.com
    Meg

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  38. This actually had me laughing. I have 3 little ones; Oliver 5; Olivia 3 and Baby Eric 8ms. Me Time, not since before I was married. Just remember, at the end of the day, you were the one who did it best. I am every Superwoman!

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  39. I want to be the kind of mom you are. Jeeez, I wish you were MY mom.
    "I know one day it will all come to an end and I will curse that peace I was so desperately wanting. So until then I will just hold my head behind that door, take a few breaths, sigh and answer them back sweetly."

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  40. reading this makes me feel so guilty for doing that to my mom all through my younger years and even now. mother's never get to rest, do they? wait till they are older and really appreciate all you do and have done and give you a day at the spa!

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  41. Are you sure you aren't describing MY house? I have three little ones - ages 3,2,& 1 - and I feel like I constantly have kids at my feet too. Like you said, I love them to death, and wouldn't give them up, but maybe a breath every once in a while would be good too!

    I found your blog through the Blogger Dashboard Blogs of Note - great blog! I'm marking it as a favorite!

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  42. I found your blog a few weeks ago and really enjoy it. It is funny how having kids can bring so many people together. I too have stopped closing the bathroom door it is just not worth. My secret escape is the garage. Its usually a little quieter and I can spend a few seconds of peace before re-entering the war zone.

    ~Mom of a 3 year old and 10 month old triplets

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  43. When my husband and I first got married, we promised each other that we would always keep bathroom time sacred. I have never, ever seen him "go" and he's never seen me. I had forsight, here. This means that, like you, I have a bathroom sanctuary where I can grab my favorite book, say "Oh, honey, it must have been something I ate...", ignore him saying "But this is the fifth time today!" as I pat the children on the head and practically skip to the bathroom. Once I turn the fan on, I'll either sit on the floor or just curl up in the empty bathtub and read a chapter or two.

    I wonder if he's on to me...

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  44. Im so glad to have come across your blog. Glad to know I am NOT the only person that is not allowed to pee in peace.
    I know its a bit (well alot) passive aggressive, but I use the what??? what??? I can't hear you what??? even though I can hear them. They fell for it for a while, but....my dear husband clued them in to what I was doing they just keep knocking now.
    My beautiful babies are 7 and 8.
    Thanks for the smile on a Saturday night!!!

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  45. Boy!!! did that bring back some memories! LOL I'm a grandma now, and my kids are grownups too. I now have that peace, but I tell you what,...you WILL miss the noise, and chaos that reigns. It took me a little while to get over the silence in the house. Now we have a grandchild that comes over to make messes and lots of noise. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

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  46. I can not believe I just found your blog - I feel we are long lost pals missing the journey together.

    Wait, sorry for the corniness.

    My daughter is a mere 3 1/2 moths, so my potty breaks come with naptime, swing time or bringing a bouncy seat with me.

    Or "asking" my hubby to hold her while I tend to business.

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  47. Seriously Honey you should write a book!!! Just compile blogs like this and you will have millions of women reading it! The way you express motherhood is halarious and I totally relate.

    I have emailed your blog to my friends and have it as a perma link on my site.

    Honestly you should consider it and let me know when you do. I'll be the first one to go out and buy it!

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  48. Seriously Honey you should write a book!!! Just compile blogs like this and you will have millions of women reading it! The way you express motherhood is halarious and I totally relate.

    I have emailed your blog to my friends and have it as a perma link on my site.

    Honestly you should consider it and let me know when you do. I'll be the first one to go out and buy it!

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Girls could you PLEASE give our guest some space. Take your brother and go play. Sorry,it's hectic here, what were you saying?"...

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