Saturday, May 10, 2008

She's hoping for just a card

Two years ago the day before Mother’s Day, I was running all over town looking for a rooster. My mother has a collection of roosters in her kitchen, and I had some hair brained idea I would buy her a real one. So, after hours of searching to find one for sale (last minute’s notice) my brother and I ended up at a live stock auction in this huge barn. Now even thou they are very popular here in the south, I had never had the pleasure of attending one. (Thank goodness, what an experience) When we arrived the auction was well in progress, and up front there are these men holding up each live stock being auctioned. (bunnies, chickens, goats...) It only took minutes before the guy on the mic talking 90 miles a minute was on to the next animal. The next thing I know they are holding up two roosters in the air by their feet. My brother turns to me and says “Hurry, do you want me to bid?” I’m standing there dumb founded not knowing what to even say. (I don’t know?? I had imagined some cute rooster, not some fowl hanging upside down lifeless, as if its dead.) Before I could go over all those details in my mind it was already too late. They were finished with the roosters and said that’s all folks thanks for coming. (What the heck it’s over? But, I have No rooster!) Teary eyed and bum frazzled we left empty handed. We drove a mile down the road clueless on where to look next. It was getting late I had No mother’s day gift and no other ideas. As I complained and pouted my brother had one last bright idea. (“Let’s go back and I’ll see if I can talk to someone.”) Like a child being given into, we went back (with little hope). As we went in I just kind of stood back waiting on him to sweet talk someone into sympathy any kind for a rooster. While I’m standing there some backwoods looking woman walks up to me and just hands me a baby bird. Reluctant to handle it, she made me hold it. She says “Here take this bird home and take care of it, it fell out of the rafters” "umm…excuse me? What?? No no no I don’t think so!” After a bit of explaining, how there was no way I was taking this home, the crazy tobacco chewing broad finally moved on. Finally to my relief here came my brother. He announced best of luck this man still has plenty of roosters left from the auction come and pick one out. Thrilled to death I’m peeking through these crates that are completely filled with roosters, they have no room to move much less breathe all hunched down. Not what I was expecting but I wasn’t going to complain. Choosing a rooster I picked the biggest red one I could find. The man reaches down in the cages grabs it by his feet and tries to hand it to me. At this point I don’t think my eyes could have gotten any wider. (There was No way I was touching that thing) My brother who is used to this kind of thing just expected me to grab it and hold it all the way home. (Apparently he’s crazy!) We ended up getting a box and hauled it home. It turned out to be a big Mother’s day shocker for my mom, who was overjoyed. That was until a few days later the sedative (some one obviously had given it) wore off. We quickly realized this big red Rooster she had named Roho, was a fighting rooster!
(Just my luck, I know!) We new this because anytime my mom went out side it would come slowly by, sneak up pretending it was pecking the ground and then it would charge after her. (Great present right, yeah she wasn’t too thrilled about it after that) Anyone who went in the yard would have to carry a broom to defend themselves. (Even then he didn’t back down, still trying to flog whoever it was. ) That was until the one day my kids were playing outside and Roho decided Kailey was a great running target. He’s running after her, my dad was running after him, and everyone was screaming.
(It was just like in a cartoon , I swear!) Luckily Kailey got away with a small scratch on her face, and Roho was on a fast trip back to the auction. Needless to say this year my mom is hoping I will just get a card, or even a wilted flower will suffice. I have all day to figure something out, so we will see!

12 comments:

  1. Alright, J --- you've really got a "fowl" sense of humor. This year, try not to be quite so "cocky" with your gift giving.

    I was totally ready for a blog on the fine art of potato growing, but this was so much funnier. I read it once really fast to see how it ends, then went back to savor each word. Nice job, BBB, nice job!

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  2. ROFLMAO Ouch! my sides hurt from laughing. I think it was a wonderful idea, but like many of mine "Way to Funny". Being raised in the south I know this story well. We raised chickens and hogs. I hated every minute of it. The one the lady tried to give you would have probably been your best bet for a "gentle" one. Bless your loving heart and your "gift" of storytelling. The true measure of a story is the person reading or hearing it can picture the whole event in their head. I could! You Rock!

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  3. That sounds like how my bright ideas go. I always have the best intentions they just don't always work out! Cards are good is what my husband reminds me. : )

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  4. Oh, that was too funny! I grew up on a farm and Rooosters are that way! Heads of pack!! Maybe I'll write a post on how to kill, pluck, clean and eat a fresh rooster!!

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  5. That is a priceless Mother's Day story! When you first mentioned the crates and how the roosters were in there, the first think I thought of was cock fighting! Yeah, never a good pet, those mean ones. A great memory, though.

    Thanks for the giggles today! Happy Mother's Day!

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  6. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I am literally laughing here in my living room with my kids and they are dying to know why. That's my little secret. Gotta keep em guessing. I loved the cock fighting part. I hope Mother's Day is a little less intense for you this year. By the way, you do know they make ceramic Roosters, right? :)

    Jillian

    Haven't seen you in a while. I'm still reading. Come say hi sometime.

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  7. This post reminds me why I'm a vegetarian, heh!

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  8. That is HILARIOUS! 100 points for Mother's Day creativity, I'll give you that.

    My mom LOVES roosters, too. She has them all over her house. I think she'd poop a brick if I gave her a real one, though. Roosters, must be a southern mom thing.

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  9. I am totally keeping this story handy when I give my mom and mother-in-law gifts and get the sympathy "love it" comment. I'll just say that it could have been a rooster!

    But really...it was brilliant of you. And a good laugh (I always love those)!

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  10. Haha, it's the thought that counts, right? That's quite possibly the best Mother's Day story I've ever heard! And happy (belated) Mother's Day to you! I hope you had a lovely day :)

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  11. So funny! I can't believe you got your mom a rooster!!! That would be a gift I would give to someone I was mad at...but my family has experience with fighting roosters. To see the picture of my brother with a crazed rooster go to http://mommyinthewoods.blogspot.com/2008/04/word-filled-or-wordless.html.

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Girls could you PLEASE give our guest some space. Take your brother and go play. Sorry,it's hectic here, what were you saying?"...

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